can i come home yet?
by Angel Of Darkness1221
Summary: when shizuo is kicked out of his house for love of the disturbed. he's hears about a circus, and decides to go, what will happen? CHARACTERS ARE OOC! rater M for blood and dark themes


**I'm so sorry it's been forever! Gomennisa! Anyways, I recently had to write a story for school... Besides the changed names, this is it!**

* * *

When I first ran away, I didn't expect this… thing to eat me alive. At the time, I didn't even know I had this… obsession inside of me. But I guess that proves how much you don't know yourself. I'm probably not making much sense; let me start from the beginning.

My name is Shizuo Hawajima. I was born in Ikebukuro, Japan. I always had a love for the, how do you say, disturbed? I always found bloody things to be so fascinating. I've loved gore since before I can remember, but that's where the problems started.

I had known that this love was strange, so I kept it hidden, but one day, my mom had gone through my phone. When I had gotten home from school, I had seen all my stuff in boxes by the door, along with a note that said, "Don't bother coming back, unless you fix your obsession, freak." I had known this day would come, I couldn't hide it forever. Frankly, I had been shocked it took her so long to realize. I knew I couldn't carry all my stuff with me so I grabbed what I needed: my phone, my charger and portable battery bank, a jacket and gloves, and my journal. After I had packed all my stuff into my school bag, I set out, planning to never look back at this little house. I'd miss Izaya though, not that he knew who I was... or that i'd admit it, i had a reputation to keep.

Izaya was the student council president back at school. He was the crazy type, but also firm with his decisions and put others first before himself. I admired him, and yes, I had a crush on him. But being the 'freak' that I was, it was difficult to approach him, to approach anyone, actually. Oh well. It was just something I had to deal with.

At this point, I should have made up some lie and gone home, but I was stubborn. Oh, how I wish I wasn't so stubborn. I would have saved myself so much pain. But on with the story we go.

It was around three days later when I had heard about it. I had earned some cash, and went to buy a pack of cigarettes and some fast food. A man approached me; he asked if I had heard of the 'dismembered circus'. Just the name itself caught my attention.

I told him no, and he replied that it was a carnival for the strange. I had, right then, decided to go. Once again, I should have gone home, but of course I didn't, I wouldn't be here to tell this story if I did. But maybe I would've been okay if I did.

It was a month later, before the Dismembered Circus came to where I was hanging around. I was, for the first time in a while, ecstatic to go. I had been waiting for a while to find other people like me.

What happened at the dismembered circus isn't really important to this little tale. So let's skip ahead to what happened next. A little after a week, I was wandering around the area between two attractions. I found posters telling of a haunted house. It seemed cool enough that I decided to go. God, I wish I didn't.

When I had first arrived at the house, it wasn't very appealing to me. Everything was clean and pristine. It looked like it was owned by rich people, but it wasn't. The aura of the house was something much darker, something much more sinister, more murderous. I can't explain how I felt, but this was the single scariest feeling I've ever had. I stood there for a few minutes, hesitant to go in.

My steps up to the house were slow, cautious. I didn't know why but I didn't exactly trust this house. Not that you can really trust and inanimate object but… This one just didn't sit right with my conscience. When I finally reached the door, a shiver went down my spine as I touched the silver knob. Now I'm not sure if I was just stupid or if the adrenaline was too thick and my veins but I should've noticed the blood seeping from under the door. I should've gone back to the hotel where I was staying at and stayed away from the circus. But curiosity got the better of me.

The inside of the house itself was completely different from the outside. The inside was dark and almost bloody looking. It was really dark so I couldn't see very well; maybe that was just spilled paint? I started looking around for a light switch, and wandered around the room, tripping over a few things before I finally found one. When I did turn on the lights I was scared beyond belief. Lying right there... right in front of me, was several bodies.

I don't even know if you would actually call these bodies since it was just the pieces. Torsos, arms, thighs, necks, heads all scattered about the room. I looked up as something dropped on my head, Spread all throughout the room, hanging up like decorations, were intestines, hearts, veins, even spines were on the walls, they made out a little arrow... I guess that's where I go next?

Now, some of you may be thinking "It's just decorations!" No... Something about these... something inside me just knew that they weren't, they weren't fake.

They were real, real victims that entered this house like me. So what is it that I am to do here but see what else is crazy house had in store for me? I've always had a twisted view of things as you can tell, so I wasn't really put off when I saw the bodies, just a little nervous. What if I turned out like them… what if I didn't? What if I made it out alive and got the blame for this masterpiece? I don't want to have credit for this, I wanted to meet the one who did make this, but I didn't want to be given credit for this. I

I walked into the next room really cautiously; I didn't want to ruin anything this person or thing had set up. I wanted to keep it how it was this place is; beautiful even in that twisted sort of way. The next room was pretty much like the one before, limbs hanging about the room, intestines scattered on the walls and floors. But this time there was writing on the wall that took me a minute to decipher because I did not know how to read the traditional Japanese.

The characters were somewhat the same so eventually I figured out what it said. There were some blanks and missing parts that didn't exactly fit in my head but I figured it out nonetheless. Written in blood - much like everything else in this house – were the words "Welcome to my fun house, you're still here Shizuo. That's good. I don't what this to go to waste." I felt a sinking dread settle into my bones. How did this thing, no this house know my name? How long ago was this written? Was this house made just for me, or perhaps another Shizuo? No, it couldn't have been for someone else. Shizuo isn't a popular name.

As I wandered deeper into this house, the sinking feeling inside of me grew. I didn't really pay attention to what was in the rooms anymore; I mainly just focused on getting out. But, that was one of my errors; I should have been paying attention to where I was going.

I walked into this... thing. I don't even know what exactly it was. It looked like someone had ripped all the skin of a person, and gutted them, then tried to sew it back together. It made me want to vomit. The rotting flesh hanging off of it, the twisted leg that looked like some toddler decided to put the leg of a Barbie on backwards. The smell, oh god the smell, everything else in this house didn't smell too bad, but this, this... this smelled like this entire house should have. It was almost like this thing was sucking up all the smells, and projecting them out of its body.

I should've been paying more attention while looking at this thing, because before I knew it, it reached and grabbed me. I didn't bother screaming, what good would it do me? It would probably just get other people in the same situation I'm in. So instead I pulled away as hard as I could, it didn't seem to do anything except loosen the stitches on the arm. I pulled again, but instead of this thing letting me go like I thought it would, it still held on. The arm just fell off, and something akin to spiders and ants started crawling out from where the arm used to be.

I remember thinking that I had to run. Normally I would've wanted to stay watch this thing, see how it interacted with others, but now… now I was just terrified. I didn't want to see what this monster did; I just wanted to get out of there. And so I did. I turned and ran as fast as I could, turning down halls and running up steps. I didn't care where I was going, I just wanted out. I guess I failed at even doing that, didn't I?

As I was running, I began to lose track of where I was. All the doors in this house looked the same, so it wasn't very hard to get lost. I opened a door and ran in, but it was another hallway. Over and over this pattern repeated. I would open a door, run through the hall, open another door, it never ended. I was so close to giving up when I finally came across a door that was different than the others. Its wood wasn't the traditional scarred oak, but instead an almost ebony color.

"This has to be the way out!" I muttered, and without hesitation I opened it and ran through, slamming it shut just as the thing rammed against it. A close call, if you could call it that. This room wasn't what I expected; this room was cleaner, but had a scarier aura, if that was possible. The room was contradicting itself. It was clean, but scary. Inviting, yet something screamed at me to run.

I sat down in the corner, furthest from the door, I don't know how long I'd been in this hell, but I was tired, a few minutes of shut eye shouldn't hurt, right? I'm not sure how long I had been asleep, but when I woke up, there was a heat at my side; Katuka must've had another bad dream. No, wait, I was kicked out... my brother wouldn't be here. I sighed, opening my eyes slightly. I made out the faint color of red, which made me open my eyes all the way, fearing there was blood here as well. But as my vision refocused, I saw that it was short black hair with red highlights, as well as pale skin. I only remembered someone with that type of hair. Rubbing my eyes and blinking a few times, I saw that it was, in fact, Izaya!

"You're finally awake," his soft voice spoke, you could tell he was scared, it was practically written across his face. "I was beginning to worry." he continued. At this time, so many question ran through my head, why was he here? Is this really him? Why is he talking to me? "Don't be scared," he whispered.

"I...what are you doing here?" My voice came out thick and raspy from not being used. When was the last time I talked to someone? A month ago, maybe two, I couldn't exactly remember at a time like this.

"You didn't come to school for a week, so I stopped by your house, and you're mom said some pretty... choice things about you. Your brother misses you though. I happened to see you at a carnival, a month ago. Since then, I've been following you. When you entered this house, I got really worried, so I came in after you. May I ask why you ran away?" He scooted closer to me, and I noticed a scratch on his arm. Had that monster gotten to him before as well?

"I didn't run away, I got kicked out," I replied with a sigh. "Why do you care anyways?"

"As an upperclassman and as student council president, it's my job to care," he spoke, standing up. "Now let's get out of here." Right, I was stupid to think he liked me, I'm a guy and so is he. It's his job to worry about the other students. He helped me up, brushing off the dirt on the both of us. "I'll take you back home, so we can properly clean you-"

As he started to speak, the door busted open, and that thing from earlier came running in. I couldn't move, too frozen with fear to react. The monster reached out to grab me, but before it could...

"No! Izaya don't!" Izaya had jumped in front of the monster, and it grabbed him instead, not really caring that it wasn't him who he wanted, but at the moment it just wanted a new body to add to its collection. For the first time in a long while, I screamed, I screamed and clawed at this thing. I wanted my Izaya back.

"Don't try to fight it!" screeched Izaya. "Just go!"

I wasn't given much of a choice. The thing had knocked me aside back to the door. Every impulse told me not to run, but I couldn't possibly fight back. I did what he told me to, I ran. I ran like the coward I was. Before I left the room, though, I turned back to take one last look at Izaya. He looked back at me, the fear evident in his eyes.

"I love you Shizu-chan..." Izaya whispered, closing his eyes, smiling. After those words left his mouth, the thing closed its hand, tearing apart Izaya's head from his torso. His neck ripped like paper, blood splattering over the walls, his body falling limply to the ground, before that thing started to eat his body like a savage beast.

I ran, I really did try, but when I heard the sound of flesh ripping, I had to look back once more. I screamed again when I saw his body being eaten. This wouldn't have happened if I didn't enter this house. I stopped dead in my tracks when my love's head came rolling by me... he looked so peaceful, he died happy, but how? We're trapped in a never-ending nightmare. How could anyone die happily?

I stiffened when this - now bloody - thing looked up at me. Grabbing Izaya's head, I took off, but it didn't make any difference. The cannibalistic beast would always be a few feet behind me. I knew it wasn't long until I was caught.

I saw a mahogany archway door, which must've been the exit! My feet picked up in speed, my arm clutching tightly onto Izaya's head. I had to reach that door! I needed to get out at whatever costs. As I was about to grab the handle, I stopped. Why? Why was I going back? There was nothing for me that was for sure. My family despised me, and Izaya was gone now. Even if I did try to go to see my brother, I knew my parents wouldn't let me talk to him. They would do whatever they could to keep Kasuka away from me.

I could stay here. I could make a home out of this place. Clean it up, maybe tame that monster, and lure unsuspecting victims in. It seemed like as good of a plan as any. But then I looked down at Izaya's head, the peaceful smile on his face. This house was why he was dead. I don't have the right to put others through what he went through. I had to get out of here. I had to escape and warn people.

Just as my hand wrapped around the handle, I heard the gut wrenching roar from behind me. My heart rate picked up, and my whole body seemed to tighten, I couldn't move, images of what this monster did to Izaya flashing through my mind. But I had to get control of my feelings. I couldn't stop now or everything I had done would be in vain… Not that I've actually really done anything, it was more Izaya than me. God why did it have to take him? I wanted to spend more time with him.

No matter how much I tried to fight it I couldn't move, I couldn't get away from this thing. Before I knew it this thing had me again, this time its grip was a lot stronger than I remember it being. It kind of felt like tiny individuals claws digging into my flesh, trying to rip me apart. It didn't take the thing long before actually ripped off my arm. I guess I really should've been paying more attention to what was happening around me, maybe then I would still have my left arm.

I don't actually remember the pain of the arm being ripped off, but I remember the blood-curdling scream that left my throat not even two seconds after my arm was forcibly detached from my body. I remember the blood splattering on the walls and dripping down my side as my right hand desperately clung to the hole. I could feel a bit of the bone sticking out, so this thing pulled my flesh off like a sleeve?

My right leg was the next to go. He took off my leg off sort of how he took off my arm, only this time he completely shredded it before he ripped it off. He started the very top of my leg about 5 inches above my knee, his nails went through my leg, so far so, that I heard them digging into the hardwood floors under us, and he pulled down really slowly. He split my leg into four separate parts; it was almost as if I didn't have a bone in my leg. There was hardly any resistance from his claws. He then slowly ate the shreds, as if it was a bowl of pasta.

It took it a few minutes to finish eating, allowing me to wither in my pain and blood. How was I still alive? Was I alive, actually? Or was my brain taking too long to process what was happening? I remembered from a book I've read before that when a person dies, they relive their entire life in seven seconds. Maybe that's what was happening, and I was reaching the last second?

When he finally finished eating, I began to realize the gravity of my situation. I was at the mercy of this thing that defies all laws of... well everything. It could do anything to me. It could kill me slowly, or quickly, it could leave me like this to slowly bleed out, or it could… I don't even know what it could - or would – do. The last thing that I saw, before my vision went black, was my love, Izaya. He smiled at me, holding out his hand, and he stepped closer, his soft voice feeling like heaven after my horrid screams.

"You've finally made it…" And he grabbed my hand. All my pain stopped when my hand touched his. I'm not entirely sure whether I had officially died. Who knows, maybe I'm still passed out, maybe I'm in a coma, maybe I am dead. Walking, hand in hand with Izaya, I opened my mouth to say something.

During that time in the house, I realized my mistakes. I wished I could go back and stop myself, to apologize to my mother, to go back to my brother, instead of just accepting my fate the way I did. I would've given anything to go back home. So, I opened my mouth to speak the question I knew I could never, and would never, say to my mother.

"Can I come home yet, momma?"

* * *

**dear lord did i just type that for school?! ... i hope they dont send me to councling... xD**


End file.
